On my mind: the way motherhood warps time, being new at something in your 30s, and just posting, already 👏🏻
A collection of bite-sized ideas and observations
Sometimes, I haven’t quite had the time to fully develop or polish an idea I have bouncing around for a post, but I do have several observations I’d like to document. Enter On My Mind, a bimonthly collection of bite-sized observations and ideas that have come up for me this week.1
On My Mind
One of the first lessons of motherhood: time suddenly becomes very, very weird. Often, I feel like I have lived a hundred lives by 9:00 am—I’ve narrowly rescued both children from injury, solved disputes, resisted (and then gave into) TV time, and doled out an insane number of snacks. How is it only 9:00?! I wonder, fatigued and beleaguered. And yet there are some moments I wish I could sit in forever—watching my kids explore a new park, enjoy a zoo trip, or actually play together peacefully in the backyard. Today, I took a picture of my four year old before her first day of school and she looked SO big. How has this happened? Where has the time gone? She walked into school happily, looking back just once or twice. Can we hit pause just for a little while?
I have mentioned that I recently started a new job after being a classroom teacher for 13 years. I was very much ready to leave the classroom, and yet actually moving on has brought on a nearly instant feeling of nostalgia for teaching. I somehow, impossibly, don’t want to continue to teach, yet also find it uncomfy to not be teaching. (Feelings! What fickle creatures.) And while I’m still working in education (this time at the district level), it has been a humbling experience to tackle a new role after over a decade of honing the same one. I have realized that although I very much crave routine, sameness, and predictability, I am also inexplicably drawn toward (and inevitably pursue) choices that require me to stretch, grow, and evolve. I think I am always seeking a balance of new and old, expected and unexpected. Or, I am always finding ways to sabotage getting enough sleep. 😅
Being in the messy middle of motherhood and all this ~personal growth~ leaves me with very minimal free time—something that clearly haunts me, as I find a way to mention it in almost every post. 🙃 But this lack of time has taught me an important lesson: do it anyway, perfectionism be damned. Start a new book, even if you only read 4 pages at a time before you collapse into bed. Tidy up the kitchen, because it will only take 6 minutes and your morning-self will be thankful. Spend 40 minutes writing that post, and hit publish. The act of writing over and over again each week will act as its own kind of polish, even if each piece isn’t as refined as a former version of yourself (with more time) would have liked.
I am anti-hustle culture — but dabbling? Tinkering? No-pressure exploring? I’m all in. A minute here, ten there, a whole half-hour chunk sometimes — a lot can be accomplished in tiny bits. 💌
⭐️ If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: On my mind: flowers, feeling "almost," change, and following whims
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Subtext: My working mom hack for keeping up with my Substack weekly post goal. 😄
Motherhood is SUCH a time warp. Last week, my twins started high school. Both were upbeat and downright jolly, and I intentionally soaked up their stories and joy, not because of the "other shoe" syndrome, but because the little moments matter and add up. Thoughtful words from you today, thank you.
Hi! New mom here (has a 20 month old baby/toddler). You got me on “Often, I feel like I have lived a hundred lives by 9:00 am”- felt that!! Excited to read more about your motherhood musings and the life in between! Oh and thanks for the mom hack too!