On decision-making like my 3 year old

Or: just say "no," already!

My three-year-old wakes up from her nap. I ask if she would like her favorite snack.

“No.”

I ask if she would like to lay in her bed a while longer.

“No.”

I suggest an episode of Bluey.

“No.”

I suggest going outside.

“No.”

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As you might have gathered, my three-year-old’s instinctual answer is “no.” This is, of course, very normal for her age. (Although I will readily admit that she has inherited stubbornness honestly from both of her parents. 😅)

I, however, often have the opposite instinct. I will frequently default to agreement, even though I might have another preference in mind. I will often choose agreeableness over honesty, because as adults, we can’t go around yelling an emphatic “no” (with a foot stomp and a pout) like toddlers do. Right?

I mean, probably not. But lately, I’ve been channeling my toddler’s default no in a more millennial-mom-appropriate way: I’m choosing a default pause.

See, my faux-yes often comes from a place of should-ing myself. I make a snap decision that whatever is being asked of me is something I should do, so I say yes. And frequently, it is. I should get out on a Friday night from time to time to see friends. I should stay on top of grading for my students. I should take my kids to the park, because they would enjoy it.

A recent park visit.

In choosing a default pause, though, I get to take a beat to decide what I really want and need, what I have the bandwidth for.

As I’ve put this new habit into practice, though, I’ve realized this: the person I really need to say “no” to the most is the same person my daughter drops “no’s” on all the time: me.

I have extremely high standards for myself, and I endlessly plod through to-do lists, because there are more tasks to complete than hours in the day. I will push myself to get just one more thing done, until it is 10:00 pm and any thought of relaxation is completely out the window.

And while I’ve been fairly successful at applying the default pause to the requests of other people, I’m still working on applying it to the pressures I put on myself.

Tonight though, I’m choosing *just one* more task out of the five on my list. Then I’m headed to bed early (for me). See? Progress. 🙂

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After several more offers, my daughter took me up on a different snack than I suggested (peanut butter puffs rather than fruit snacks) and requested an episode of Bluey. She likes things to be her idea, not mine.

I relate.

Sometimes you need to think it over for a minute to decide if it’s what you really want, you know?