Embrace the mess: literally, no thank you
Or, why I choose not to follow this frequent mom tip
There is no limit to the amount of advice for moms. I believe it starts the second you find out you are pregnant and ends probably never. Some of the greatest hits include:
Ask for help
Don’t try to do it all
Sleep when the baby sleeps
Trust your gut
Always be present
Prioritize yourself (lol)
Meal prep (also lol)
Embrace the mess
These are nearly impossible to follow. How can we “be present” while also focusing on our own needs while somehow finding time to meal prep delicious and healthy dinners? The mom who is able to do all of those things simultaneously must have somehow accessed an extra five hours in her day.
I’ve shared before that, for me, it seems most things are a trade-off. If I stay on top of laundry, I’ll have less time to relax. If I make a nice dinner, I won’t have time to fold laundry. If I shirk all duties and write my Substack post, I’ll have a few more tasks to tackle tomorrow. Leaning into one bit of advice that resonates typically means leaning away from another.
One Mom Pro Tip that I have never followed is this: embrace the mess. I have always been a tidy person, and in recent years, I’ve realized that this is because a pretty, organized environment brings me calm, while insanely cluttered, messy spaces slowly ratchet up my stress level. I’m not saying that I’m breathing into a paper bag or anything, but my anxiety level certainly isn’t at zero if my surroundings are in extreme disarray.
And yet, I feel there is probably only one thing that is true of almost all little kids: they create lots of messes. As they should! I am not saying that I do not allow messes. Our house becomes a giant mess at least seven times a day, give or take. What I am saying, though, is that I will clean up that mess. Yes, even though my tidying will unravel approximately ten to thirty minutes later.
I know for some moms, this is not worth it. Why would I want to spend my time putting toys away, when I’m just going to have to do it all again in under an hour? I totally get that argument.
In my case, I’m a pretty sensitive person, and that return to a somewhat clean slate is like a salve for my nervous system, which is so worth it. I can be more present with my kids if I’m not bringing “this is fine” dog energy, you know?
So, I do not embrace the mess, mostly because every fiber of my being rejects it. I wholly believe that Marie Kondo got it right, and there is a life changing magic in tidying up.
One might say that the trade off here is that I’m following Mom Pro Tip #4 instead, “trust your gut.” My gut cannot handle being buried in legos, barbies, and all the contents of the play kitchen for an entire day. It just can’t.
Maybe your gut is made of stronger stuff—in which case, I’m sure you’re spending your time differently. None of this advice is one-size-fits-all. We have to find which pieces fit us best. ♡
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I completely relate. I know I will be cleaning that same thing up again very soon—but for now I can breathe. I also can’t handle going to bed or leaving the house with anything not taken care of, so it is definitely a trade off of time spent—but well worth it for my inner peace.
Thank you. I thought I was the only one. Everytime this gets discussed I hear it being dismissed as "why would I want to clean up when I could be enjoying time with my kids instead?". Well, good for you, but I don't want to leave in a messy/dirty place. That is important to me to spend time on. It's all about the trade offs, as you say.