A perspective shift to be more productive

Or, how I found balance between relaxation and endlessly working through my to-do list

I have the unfortunate habit of constantly optimizing. I’m always looking to improve almost everything, infinitely. It’s exhausting. Here on Substack, I’m trying to take this inclination of mine and use it for good—to share shifts in habit or perspective I’m working on that I think are a net positive in my life.

I’m not coming at this from a place of “I have it all figured out” or “look at me, the expert, bestowing knowledge.” Honestly, I wish. My inner perfectionist would love to feel like an expert! But I’m very much just muddling through, trying to find a little more peace, a little more calm, a little more happiness, and sharing what is working for me in case it might work for someone else.

This week’s perspective shift comes from Tuesday, which I took off work. I had several tasks I was trying to accomplish that day (like every day), and I found myself rushing through them, like I always do. This rushing creates this urgent sense of anxiety: if I can just focus, if I can just get this done, and the next thing done, I will reach the elusive, shiny prize of relaxation.

Found the motivation to clean our kitchen on my day off.

You know what happens though? I never get the prize. Because one task begets another task. One chore leads to another, because I might as well run the vacuum quickly if I’m already tidying the house. I might as well start the next load of laundry since I’ve gotten this one folded. I should go ahead and chop a few things for dinner, just to get a head start. And before you know it, it’s time to pick up the kids. Relaxation has evaded me again.

So, on my day off, I was rushing. And rushing. And falling into task after task, watching the hours slip by until no time would be left to just be, unencumbered by the revolving to-do list in my brain.

And then I had this moment when I decided that I wasn’t going to rush. Yes, I would probably be taking care of one thing or another for most of my day at home, because truly, that’s what I want to do. I wasn’t going to be able to give up the opportunity to get ahead with weekly chores and check a few major tasks off my list, because I knew that ultimately, getting these things done would bring me more peace.

I needed to let go of the unrealistic goal of lounging around all day without a care in the world. That just isn’t the season of life that I’m in right now, and that’s okay.

You know what I decided to do? I pottered. This delightfully British term means “to occupy oneself in a desultory but pleasant manner, doing a number of small tasks or not concentrating on anything particular.” And I really embraced it. I was able to accomplish quite a few mundane tasks, and I did so without urgency or judgment. It was peaceful and enjoyable. I allowed myself detours when whims presented themselves. I had a slow lunch, which I never do. As a teacher, I get 25 minutes for lunch. After over a decade of 25-minute lunches, a slow lunch is almost impossible!

This decision, this acceptance that I was going to be busy, but I could be busy in a leisurely way, was a script-flip moment for me. And perhaps you are more laid back by nature, so something like this might come much more easily to you than it did to me. But for the other type-A girlies out there, this balance between productivity and relaxation was exactly what I needed.

I think there is a certain power and peace that comes from fully accepting something for what it is. In my case, being a working mom of two kids under four, endless hours of relaxation are probably not in my immediate future. So instead of chasing an unattainable goal, I can instead reframe my mindset. Yes, the to-do list is endless. But I get to choose how I approach it. 🙂